Like A Zombie
by Do Not Even Try
Summary: He left and she realized what he really meant. Years later, she gave up any will to move on or live. She lives like behind fogged glass, not feeling, just numb. When her family decides she needs help, she gets more than she bargained for. postAJH
1. Pain

**A/n: I know, I should be updating Forgetting You, but blame the new episode. It gave me new story ideas that would.not.leave. my head until I wrote them. So here is a new story. It's post-achy jakey heart. I know everyone is doing this, but I wanted to give it a go. Also, I warn you that this is kind of OOC...well I think it kind of is...but whatever.**

_l-o-v-e_

This was all his fault.

That stupid, cocky, egocentric, spoiled brat's fault!

Ask _anyone._ They'll tell you he was the one to push me.

None of this would've _ever _happened if he just would have left me alone like I asked him, politely. I clearly said, "Jake, dear God, leave me alone." But _no_, to _Jake Ryan _the Zombie Slayer and Gladiator, "leave me alone" means "stalk me".

I guess maybe I should back up to how all this started...

_l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-__**Flashback**__-l-o-v-e-lo-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-l-o-v-e-_

"Love, Leslie," I finished off the card with a smile on my face as I pulled out a single, red rose.

"Whose Leslie?" My Dad asked in confusion. My smile widened as I smelled the rose and I replied with,

"A friend...a really good friend." I slowly walked back into the house, trying to figure out why I felt so...happy.

"As long as it's not another actor..." Dad muttered. I stifled as laugh as I basically floated up the stairs. Once in my room, I laid the rose and card gently on my desk. I sighed deeply and fell back on my bed.

I wanted to hurt myself.

Why did I feel like I was falling back in love with this boy?! I can't fall back in love with him, I'll get hurt again. I stood up and carefully picked up the card again. I re-read it. He said he hoped when he could be normal he would deserve a girl _as wonderful_ as me.

The smile slid off my face so quickly it was like it was never there.

That didn't say he hoped he would deserve me. It said a girl as great as me.

He doesn't want me back. He wants someone_ like me_.

Suddenly, I felt miserable. My throat ached, my eyes itched with oncoming tears, and my heart felt like it was shattered.

It was over. Our chance was over.

I choked back a sob and rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. My chest felt like it was ripping apart. I wrapped my arms around me in hopes of keeping it together. It didn't.

Why did I care so much now? I was the one that let him go! It was my call! Why, why oh why, can't I decide whether to love or loathe him?!

The answer came relatively easily. Jake was like two people. He had the really kind, romantic, sweet, caring side that made me melt. But then he also had the obnoxious, self-centered, boisterous side that drove me insane.

I knew that if I couldn't love all of him, it wouldn't be far to love him at all.

But I did.

I couldn't just _stop _loving him. I couldn't stop the aching of my severed heart, or the tears that were falling down my face, burning me, like acid rain. Each drop that slid down my face reminded me that I could never have him. It reminded me that it was my fault. It reminded me that he will never love me again.

Being broken is one thing. But breaking yourself, that's another.

**Two Years later: **

"So, Miley, I caught John looking at you!" Lilly squealed as she stared dreamily across the class room at the tall, tan, blond boy that would occasionally look over at me. I kept my face down as I stared at my paper.

"Miley! He's coming over here!" Lilly exclaimed. I didn't reply. I few moments later, I heard a foreign male voice call my name,

"Uh, Miley?"

I looked up. John was standing above me, smiling, looking too perfect to be in the room. He smiled at me. I curtly nodded my head.

"So...I was just wondering, you know, if you would want to go out this Friday to the movies? The guys told me that you haven't dated in a while...but I was hoping--

"I can't," I interrupted him quickly. He raised his eyebrows,

"You can't? Why not?"

Because I don't want to get hurt again, "Because I have somewhere to be that night."

"Oh...well...okay then. Maybe another time."

Psh, yea right. "Right."

He stalked off and Lilly slapped me on the arm, "MILEY!! John Winters just_ asked you out_!!! How could you turn him down!?"

I kept my face down as I replied, "Because I don't like him."

Lilly groaned in irritation, "You don't like _anyone _ anymore! Miley, the last date you went on was two years ago! And almost every guy in the school has asked you! What is wrong with you?!"

I kept my gaze glued to my paper. I didn't reply. She didn't need to know how my heart was currently lying mangled in the pit of my stomach. She didn't know that the missing pieces that had been viciously riped out were halfway across the world with a certain blond boy. She didn't need to know that either.

She sighed and muttered, "What are we going to do with you, Miley?!"

I didn't reply. The day was going to be another long, insufferable day of me trying to act like I was okay. I wasn't.

_l-o-v-e_

At the end of the day, I was ready to go home and go to sleep. I had been sleeping a lot lately. Any free time I had I spent sleeping. I didn't feel tired. I felt numb. I felt unable to feel. It was like I had been living these last few years behind a fogged glass.

By the time I got home, I had lost the will to pick up my feet. They were dragging along the concrete as I walked in the door. My Dad looked up from his mail and glared at me. I looked down at my feet and tried to find the will to walk up the stairs.

"That's it!" His angry voice rang through the house. I stopped and slowly turned to look at him with disinterested eyes.

"All you do is mope!! I can't stand seeing you like this! I obviously can not help you Miley, so I'm going to send you somewhere where you can get help!" He roared. I didn't move. I didn't even blink. It wasn't like my Dad to have an outbreak like that. But I guess if you daughter is a zombie for two years you get kind of testy.

He waited for me to say something.

I didn't.

I didn't care enough too.

"I'm sending you out on a cruise. It's where celebrities go to get back in--

"Your sending me to a rehab cruise?!" I spat out. He looked shocked. That may have been the most words I'd spoken in two years to him.

"Well...in a way yes. You can go there and safely relax and discover yourself. Miles, I know you probably don't want to go but honey, I can't stand seeing you like this!" He exclaimed.

I didn't care where he sent me. He could send me to the ends of the Earth, and I would still be hurt and broken. Where I was couldn't change that.

It was like I was a zombie. I didn't feel, I didn't talk much, I didn't do much of anything. When I preformed as Hannah Montana, which was not often, I was never into it. I had lost all will to live.

Funny, the boy I had hated had the power to kill me slowly.

My Dad waited for me to object. I didn't say anything.

"Miley," My Dad begged with sad eyes, "please, say something to me! Tell me what's wrong! Talk to me!"

If I had a heart left, It would of broke it to see my Daddy so upset. But I was as hurt as I could get.

"When does it leave?" I muttered. He didn't look anymore relieved. He sighed and said,

"A week from now."

I nodded and walked up to my room, not looking back once.

**A/n: that was kind of depressing...oh well. It wasn't my best, but if you liked it by some chance, leave a review. Also, if you haven't bought Miley's new Cd...go buy it now!! Her's is sooooooo good! I like it better than the HM one! Also, she did really good on her concert for Good Morning America if anyone saw it! I got to go! It was sooo crowded ((the largest crowd in Bryant Park, EVER!)). But anyways, please review. **


	2. Stop the Rain

**A/N: I like writing this story, it's easier than my other ones. Lol. So...here is another ((short)) chapter. More to come...**

** SupaDorkiiex3: Thanks for the review. lol and you'll just have to wait and see...**

**RIP GG and VM: thank you, and well your oneshot question is answered now. lol Yea, the CD rocks! I'll update Forgetting You as soon as this dang writers block goes away...**

**RAVargy: thanks again for the review!**

**Oliver-Love: Thank you, here's an update!**

**laughxoutxloud: Dont worry, I couldn't forget about Forgetting You even if I tried. My mind is too full of the plot line. lol that's parents for you...not very observant..((which can sometimes be a good thing...))**

**nysunsetangel: thanks :)**

**AlyN'AjRule14: thank you! Yea I know, It's just a really good plot and a lot of people have different ideas about what to do!**

**LoveIsBlindx33: Thanks, and I'll update that story as soon as I can!**

**Smi1e: Thank you!**

**ForbiddenXMelody: thanks, here's an update!**

**sherrie123456: thanks! **

_l-o-v-e_

The rain was hitting the roof like bullets. The sound used to be peaceful, but now it was unearthing. It made me think about things. Some things I never wanted to think anymore.

I numbly stood up and walked over to the window. I pulled back the curtains and peeked out at the angry sky. Uninterested, I dropped the curtains back over the window. I walked over to my stereo that had two years of dust gathered on it. I hesitated before turning it on.

Music was better than the rain.

Some random song I'd never heard filled the room. I could still hear the rain. I turned the volume up to sixteen.

_Pitter, patter, pitter, patter_

I turned the volume up to twenty-six.

_Pitter, patter, pitter, patter_

I turned the volume knob up as loud as it would go. I couldn't hear the rain anymore. The music was so loud it made the picture's on my wall shake. My body throbbed with the music and my ears were numbing.

The more numb, the better.

I collapsed on the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. A few moments later, my door was thrown open and my dad stood at the doorway holding his ears.

He was saying something but I couldn't hear what he was saying. All I could hear was the beat of the music. He tried screaming it, but I couldn't hear it. He finally just came in and shut off the stereo. I looked at him with panic in my eyes. I could hear the rain...I could see _his _face, I could hear his voice. No! Make it go away!

I screamed out as I clasped my hands over my ears. Make it stop...make it stop...

"Miley? Are you okay?" Dad asked in panic. I rocked back and forth and held on to my ears.

"Make it stop," I moaned over and over again. I could still hear _his_ voice. He is telling me he loves me...I cried out...he is telling me he'll never leave me again...I screamed. My heart was breaking all over again. Pain was spearing through me. Pricking me, paralyzing me. Why, why did he leave?!

No! I can't think like that! I can't think at all!

I tried clearing my mind, but he face was there every time I shut my eyes. Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms around me. I looked up through the blinding pain to see my dad sitting down beside me. His arms were around me and he was stroking my hair. I couldn't stop screaming.

"You're gonna be okay, bud," my Dad muttered tearfully as he stroked my hair, "You'll get better."

I stopped screaming a few minutes later. Dad stayed with me until I drifted off to sleep.

_L-o-v-e_

I woke up the next morning with a headache. The sun was shinning through my curtains and I was tucked in bed. Daddy must'a carried me to bed last night. I shut last night from my thoughts.

I pulled myself out of bed and walked to my closet. I opened it and pulled out the first outfit I saw. A pair of white pants and a green shirt. I slipped off my pajamas and pulled the clothes on. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth to get the taste of my screaming out of my mouth. I washed my face to get rid of the sound and memory of what I saw last night. I brushed my hair and brushed the pain away with it.

When I walked downstairs, I heard Daddy and Jackson talking.

"I can't believe your sending her off, Dad! She just needs time to get over Jake's--

I stopped listening as I leaned against the wall. The word pierced through my body. I took a deep breath.

"--I've given her two years, Jackson. She needs help. You saw her last night, she was _screaming_ and muttering his name over and over again and saying "make it stop!", she needs help we can't give her here."

I didn't remember saying his name.

"When did she fall so hard for him?" I heard Jackson ask my Dad.

"I don't know, son. I don't know."

I found myself walking down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen. They both looked up when I walked in and stopped talking. I sat down in a chair.

"How you feeling?" Dad asked as he hugged me. I merely shook my head in a no comment way and stared at the food in front of me.

"Eat." Jackson ordered from my side. They were watching me. I didn't like people watching me.

"Miley?" I heard a voice cautiously ask from the doorway. I looked up to see Lilly and Oliver standing there. They walked over to me and each hugged me.

They acted like I was dying.

In a way, I guess I was.

"Your Dad told us about the cruise," Oliver started. They waited, I didn't say anything so they continued.

"We think it's a good idea. You need to get over Ja--

I shuddered and covered my ears.

"--him."

It was no use telling them I wasn't in love with him anymore. I wasn't anything. I was a zombie.

"Don't do that," Jackson interjected, "you go ahead and say his name. She needs to get over this. Jake. Jake Ryan."

I shoved my fingers into my ears.

"Jake zombie-slaying Ryan."

_Leslie._

"Jake Ryan. Jake Ryan. Jake Ryan. Jake Ry--

"STOP!" I screamed loudly as I nearly fell out of my chair. My eyes were wide and my face pale. I didn't want to see his face...I didn't want to be reminded of him...I wanted to act as though he never existed.

"NO! You stop!" Jackson screamed, "Jake Ryan, Jake Ryan, Jake---

_Smack_

I looked up in fright. Had _I _done that?! My hand was extended and my palm tingling. Pain leaked through me. Everyone was looking at me in surprise. Including Jackson. He was holding his cheek in surprise and staring at me.

It was silent before Jackson stood up and said coldly, "Have a great time on your cruise."

With that he stormed out of the door. If I had any tears left, I would have cried. I was shaking. Oliver looked furious. Not at me though, I could tell he was mad at _him._ He kept muttering things underneath his breath. Lilly was sobbing. She wrapped her arms around me. I sat there numbly.

_What had I done? What had he done to me?_


	3. Of Poems and Lyrics

**A/n: Another short one...sorry. Hope you like, this one is more depressing than the others. Thanks for the reviews: )**

I was staring at the wall.

A clock was sitting on it, ticking idly.

It didn't feel anything. It didn't have a heart or soul. It wasn't alive.

I was jealous of it.

"Miss Stewart?" A voice called, breaking me from my stupor. I looked up slowly to see Mr. Graham glaring at him,

"I asked you a question,_" I don't care_, "but you were to busy staring at the clock to notice! Time will pass, will you?" _time doesn't pass a quickly as you hope_, "Now, what is the third stanza in the poem _I Measure Every Grief I Meet_ by Emily Dickinson?"

I closed my eyes. The poem was sitting right there. I could see it, hear it, feel it, touch it.

"I wonder if it hurts to live," I stopped and took a deep breath, "and if I," I stopped and caught my mistake, "and if _they _have to try, and whether they could choose between, they would not rather die."

Mr. Graham looked like I slapped him. He didn't expect me to know it.

"The fifth stanza then." He demanded.

I took another deep breath as I fought for the will to do this, "Or would they go on aching still," _like me_, "through centuries above, enlightened to a larger pain by contrast with the love."

He narrowed his eyes, "Are you looking in your book."

I scowled inwardly. _No, dumb shit, my desk is empty. You know that. _

"No." I replied coldly.

"Than recite Minstrel Man by Langston Hughes. In front of the class. Without any notes."

I scowled. How did he think I kept my mind off everything? I had studied so much this year it wasn't even funny.

But I stood up anyway. I walked slowly to the front of the class Everyone's eyes were on me. I didn't like it.

"Well, any day now Miley." He said. I frowned and shut my eyes before starting.

"Because my mouth is wide with laughter, and my throat is deep with song, you do not think I suffer after I have held pain so long? Because my mouth is wide with laughter, you do not hear my inner cry? Because my feet are gay with dancing, you do not know I die?"

Mr. Graham looked ready to kill me. The rest of the day he spent drilling me on every stanza, end rhyme, rhyme scheme, and meaning behind every poem in the book.

I knew it all.

I was glad I was leaving for the cruise tomorrow. I didn't want to be around him anymore.

"Miley!" I heard someone call me. I turned around to see Oliver running toward me. He opened his arms and engulfed me in a warm hug. He kept me there for a few moments before saying,

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too." I whispered. He smiled at me. I wanted to smile back but my face muscles wouldn't work.

"Miley!!" A blond whirl came hurdling at me and engulfed me into another hug. Lilly looked up after a twenty second hug with tears streaming down her face,

"I'm gonna miss you, please try and get better okay?"

I didn't nod. I couldn't promise something I couldn't do.

I walked numbly to history. After history, my day was over. I waited for Jackson by his car.

He never came, and it started to rain.

I grimaced. I dug through my bag and yanked out my iPod with frightening speed. I turned it on and turned the volume up as high as it got and jabbed the ear buds in my ears. It was so loud it hurt my ears.

I liked it.

I started walking home. I couldn't hear the rain. I liked it that way. A Paramore song sifted through the loud speakers, and I focused on the words.

"_Maybe if my heart stops beating...it won't hurt this much..._" the band sang through the speakers. I scowled.

It wouldn't.

"_and never will I have to answer again to anyone," _

Wouldn't that be nice? No pathetic looks...nothing. Just nothing. I'd be gone, dead. I wouldn't ever have to see his face again. I wouldn't ever have to hear him again.

It sounded blissfully good.

I was thinking of suicide, I realized. It didn't scare me. The thought of death was anything but terrifying...it almost felt as if a large weight was getting lifted off my shoulders. I almost felt...excited and happy.

Death? Sure I had thought of ending all this before but I had never felt so certain about it.

No more pain. No more emptiness. I wasn't sure what would be waiting for me, but anything was better than this. Anything. Maybe this hole would fill in in my heart...maybe it wouldn't hurt.

I could do it on the cruise. That way Daddy wouldn't have to find me. I would have plenty of opportunities to do it. I could even jump overboard. That way no one had to find me. I could just sink the the bottom of the ocean and never come back up.

The weight and pressure of the dark, cold water pressing against me would be _nothing _compared to what I've had to endure.

I could, I would. I didn't have to live like this, it wasn't fair! I shouldn't have to!

And I wasn't. Not anymore.

I will miss everyone. Then I almost felt like laughing. No I wouldn't. They won't miss me, mopping around in Dad's words. I feel bad that I wouldn't miss them. But I had no heart left to mourn for anyone else.

Maybe they could just think I disappeared.They would spend days trying to find me. When they did, I would be lifeless on the bottom of the ocean...finally without this ungodly pain.

Suddenly the cruise looked a whole lot brighter to me.

**A/n: anyone know the paramore song referred to in this chapter? **


	4. Final Goodbyes

**A/n: This one is just as depressing, if not more, as the other chapter. Face it, most of this story is going to be depressing. Ah, anyways, I love the reviews! They keep me writing!! Without further ado...chapter 4!! ((Its a little longer!))**

I struggled up to the door. It was hard to walk in wet jeans.

I opened it to find my Dad pacing nervously on the floor. When I walked in he threw his arms around me, not caring I was soaking wet.

"Miley! Thank God! I thought something had happened to you!"

I felt sort of bad then.

Something hadn't, but it would.

He realized I was wet, after he was already wet too.

"Why are you wet?"

"Jackson didn't come." I mumbled. His eyes flashed dangerously,

"Where is that boy?! When he gets here...I swear..."

I was itching to get upstairs. I wanted to go to sleep. The rain had settled down but the sounds of it dripping off the trees and roof were unbearable.

Tomorrow we were going down to the dock in LA where I was to board the ship. The cruise was for four months.

I could do it the first day on the cruise.

The sooner all this ended, the better. If I didn't go to the orientation meeting that night, no one would know I came. They wouldn't report progress to my family. My family wouldn't have to know.

It was all too perfect.

I struggled up the stairs, slowly. I could feel Daddy watching me sadly. I walked into my bed room and shut the door before fighting out of the wet jeans and sweatshirt. I flung them on the carpet, not caring that it was soaking my floor, and put on a pair of sweatpants and tanktop. Then I collapsed on my bed and fell into a deep, sleepless slumber.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I woke up with the sound of someone talking to me. I opened one eye and saw Jackson kneeling beside my bed, with his hands folded over on the side. He was praying. He thought I was still asleep. I saw my alarm clock flashing three A.M. out of the corner of my eye. What was he doing in here?

Curious, I shut my eye again.

"--and I'm sorry I hurt my sister but, God, if you could just help her...I'll try harder to be a better person. I've tried every way to help her but...nothing works. I've tried being extra nice, I've tried being straightforward...God, I even tried being mean about it. Nothing works. I understand for you to help someone they have to want to help themselves but...can you make someone want to get better? Can you make someone take joy in living again? How can she forget him? He's everywhere...on the TV...in the newspapers...and God, I lied to her. He's called the house about five hundred times over the last two years. We, as in me and Dad, haven't been telling her or giving her the phone. It would only hurt her in the long run. I even snuck out last year and went to go find him...I thought it would make her better...but she can't rely on him like that! I thought...if we separated her from him for a while...she would forget him and move on...obviously not. If only there was a way, you could...make her not be in love with him. I know that's impossible, but what else can I ask you to do? I'm not asking for a mountain here...I just want my sister to be okay...I prayed for my Mother too, but you still took her. Is this going to be like that? Is my sister going to get ignored too? Surely you can see a way to help her...just...can't you do something? Anything...? Maybe help her get over Jak--

I stopped listening. I blocked out the sound of him talking. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't.

Didn't Jackson know there was nothing he could do?

Even if he...did...co--

No. I won't think like that. I can't. I mustn't. I wouldn't.

I fell back into fitful slumber after that. One that involved Jackson and my Mother.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Miley...Miles...Mile..." I heard someone calling my name. Birds were chirping. I could feel the sun warm on my skin. I opened my eyes. Daddy was standing over me.

"Hey bud, you need to get up and finish packing. We're leaving here in a few hours."

I nodded numbly and climbed out my war, bed. Was last night a dream? Was Jackson really in here?

I couldn't tell dream from reality.

As if still asleep, I changed into clothes and my Hannah wig. Then I walked to my Hannah closet and tossed clothes in the suitcase. I randomly grabbed them and tossed them inside the large suitcase. I grabbed bathroom essentials and threw them in. I poured my makeup out from my makeup drawer into the bag.

It was all one big mess.

Like my life.

I shoved my many, many shoes into the suitcase and threw some random accessories in there. It took way too short of a time. Dad would be suspicious. I didn't care to pack right because I wouldn't be there to wear the clothes and wigs.

"Miley? Your Dad told me to help you pack." a voice said from the doorway. I looked up to see Lilly. She smiled warmly at me then frowned at my suitcase. She sighed,

"Here, let me help you."

About two hours later, we had five suitcases. Two full of clothes, one big one full of makeup, shoes, and accessories. The forth had a case in it that held all my Hannah wigs in different styles, the stand I needed so it wouldn't get tangled, and tools to use if it did. The other had things I "needed" like my laptop, cell phone, charger for both, etc.

I almost told Lilly that I wouldn't need any of it. But I kept my mouth shut.

"Lilly," I called quietly. She looked up at me with a smile on her face, "thank you. For everything. You are my best friend."

Her smiled widened, "Thanks Miles! Your my best friend too."

"If..." I wasn't sure how to word it without her getting suspicious, "these clothes would look adorable on you. You should have them, you know, if the boat crashes and I die or something..."

Reaaall smooth Miley.

But she seemed to buy it, "That's not going to happen!!"

I faked a weak laugh and said, "Yep. But if it did, you have it all."

She nodded and said, "Sure, okay."

I played with the ring on my finger that my Mother gave me. I pulled it off,

"I'll be doing a lot of swimming on the pool that's on the boat...and I'll probably just end up loosing this, will you keep it?"

"You mean, keep it safe for you until you get back?" She asked as she took it.

"Yes, please?"

"Of course." She smiled.

"MILE! COME ON!!" Dad exclaimed from downstairs. Lilly was tearing up.

"Bye, Miley. I'll see you in four months."

No you won't.

"Bye, Lil."

I held the hug longer than needed. Lilly was sobbing into my shoulder when I pulled away.

"Be careful." She called after my retreating back. I just waved at her again. Jackson came up and helped me with my bags. As we silently pulled them down, I stopped him.

What do I say?

"I...heard you last night."

He stopped and almost dropped the bag.

"You are a wonderful person already." I said quietly as I hugged him. On second thought, I quickly kissed his cheek. He seemed surprised,

"Thanks Miles."

I nodded and we continued down the stairs. That was the most emotion I'd shown in a long time.

It hurt.

Dad loaded the bags in the car while I waited in the house for him to come back in and get his keys. He grabbed them and looked at me,

"You coming darling?"

I nodded and we started walking out. I stopped him,

"Dad, wait..."

He turned around. I threw my arms around him. He hugged me tightly and I breathed in the scent that was familiar to me since I was a baby.

"I love you, Dad."

And for the first time in two years, I actually felt something. A slimmer of sorrow fought through my wall that I had spent so long building.

"I love you too, bud." He seemed surprised at my show of emotion.

The hole was tearing itself up more. It hurt so bad I felt as though my heart was getting cut up slowly with razor. I could almost see the long, deliberate slices and it tore at the muscles. Blood was squirting every where...pain was shooting through me...

And before I knew it...I was in the car on my way.

_Goodbye. _

_**a/n: **_**props to xHellox and He Breaks My Heart Everytime for knowing the song (Never Let This Go by paramore) in the last chapter!! And yes, this story is depressing and also OOC...lol. **


	5. Loser

**A/n: I'm on a role! Finally! This is more like me, a long chapter! And a eventful chapter! Also, all the celebrities mentioned in this chapter I have nothing against. I don't hate them, so don't hate me if your like an obsessed fan and something rude is said about them in here! **

"Make sure to call, okay?" Oliver's voice said into my ear. I sighed into my phone and replied with a short,

"Sure."

He hadn't been able to come say goodbye (again, seeing as though both Lilly and Oliver had said goodbye yesterday at school) because his Aunt Harris came to town and his Mother wouldn't let him leave. His Mother didn't like me.

"Alright well I'll talk to you later, Miss Montana." Oliver joked.

"See ya, Smokin Oken." I said before hanging up. I felt bad I had nothing special to say to Oliver. If I said anything more I was afraid my father (who was sitting beside me) would get suspicious.

"We're here, Miss Montana." The limo driver called back to us. We drove to the limo rental place and rented a limo. Hannah Montana had to show up in a limo, my dad had insisted.

I looked out the tinted window to see at the dock a large boat. It looked like the Titanic. I saw numerous people boarding.

"Ashley Tisdale!" I said in surprise, "what is she doing here! She's fine!"

My dad looked and said, "I can imagine a few stars are here just to relax. You know how hectic it can be as a star."

I nodded. I climbed out of the limo and waited as the driver managed to take all the bags in his arms.

"Here," I muttered to him, "Let me take two."

"No, that's nice Miss Montana, but I'm fine."

"No," I insisted as I took two from him anyway, "It's no problem to take two."

My Dad took one bag from me and we started walking to the dock. I looked at the back of the boat. Jumping off there would be too painful, the propellers might get me. The front would cause the boat to run over me...so the side was the right choice.

I was getting giddy just thinking about it. Is it sick to be craving your death?

As we boarded on, I kept my face down. I didn't want anyone to see me. Not because I was afraid what they would think, but because if they saw me now they would know I was gone.

Dad let us down to front of the ship where we took the spiral stairs down to the first floor of the ship. Doors lined against the walls. I looked at my card.

Room 124.

We walked down the hall.

102...

111...

116...

120...

"Here we are!" Dad declared as he took the card from me and slid it into the slot above the handle. When he pushed the door open, he whistled.

"This is a nice room, bud."

And it was. It had a queen sized bed in the corner, dark hardwood floors, and a beautiful diamond chandelier was hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. A desk made of the same wood as the floor sat against the wall opposite the bed, and a sea foam green rug lied on the floor. There was a fireplace in the wall in front of the rug. I walked in and set the bags by the bed. I walked over to the small door that was by the desk and opened it. A medium sized bathroom was there. The walls were painted a very Hannah Montanaish purple.

Too bad I wasn't going to ever stay here.

I walked out of the bathroom and collapsed on the bed. A few moments later my Dad declared he was leaving. I hugged him goodbye one last time, and he was gone.

I stared at the ceiling. I could hear a clock ticking from the purple bathroom.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock. _

My blond, curly Hannah wig was itching me. I wanted to take it off. Just as my hands reached up to take it off, the door opened. My hands jerked to my side.

"Hannah!"

I looked up at the person. It was Tracy Van Horn. Greeaat. I was NOT in the mood to talk.

"Hey Tracy." I muttered quietly.

"Oh you poor dear!" She exclaimed in her nasally voice. She ran over and hugged me.

_What the hell? Why is she hugging me?_

"Uh, why are you here?" I asked her.

"My parents seem to think I have a problem with partying and spending money. Hah. I don't. But oh well, these rooms are gorgeous! I'm next door! Why are you here? You look so sad!"

I hesitated, "Nothing. I'm just getting over...a breakup."

"With who?"

I never got a chance to lie because at that moment a voice came over the speakers (oh, joy, speakers).

"ALL PASSENGERS ARE TO BOARD THE DECK AT THIS TIME FOR ORIENTATION!! ALL PASSENGERS!"

"Come on, Hannah. Let's go." Tracy said. I pulled away,

NO! THIS WAS RUINING EVERYTHING!

"Uh, I'll catch up with you later."

"Nonsense, come on." She said as she grabbed my hand and pulled my up.

"NO! I can't go!" I exclaimed as I jerked out of her grip.

"And why not!?" She exclaimed.

"Because...because..."

"We are going." She said firmly as she began dragging me up the stairs and to the deck.

I didn't have enough strength to fight back.

Once on the deck, I noticed we were already a few feet away from the dock. Everyone was lined up. Me and Tracy got in line. I was last.

"Okay, you all wonder why you are here so let me tell you, you are spoiled brats!" A harsh voice rang through the boat. A plump woman with an angry look on her face exclaimed. She had short red hair and piercing blue eyes. I didn't like her.

"I'm not spoiled!" Paris Hilton exclaimed.

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" Lindsay Lohan exclaimed.

"Oh like your so much better! Why are you here than?"

"Shut-up! You ugly, dog faced--

"SHUT UP!!" She roared.

Everyone quieted down.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! You all are spoiled and don't know what to do in the real world! So I'm going to have to help you a bit! Here's how it works! For the next four months you are going to learn about yourself, how to take care of yourself mentally, right from wrong, and how not to make dumb ass choices! These next four months are going to be the worst four months of your lives! You are going to be wishing you were dead!"

_Already do. _

I thought I had thought it. I really did. I didn't think I had said it out loud. But apparently I had because the next thing I know, the witch's head snapped in my direction. Everyone followed her gaze. A horrid smile crossed her face,

"Miss Montana! The youngest here! So you already wish you were dead? Pray tell, why?"

She was staring at me, as was everyone else. I shook my head. She walked so close to me that she was in my face,

"If you thought you had it bad, just wait."

I laughed.

For once, I really laughed.

In her face.

Big mistake.

"Why are you laughing, Montana?" She snapped as she got even madder. I frowned.

"Because you can't do anything to make my life any worse."

It was true. She seemed to understand that.

She stepped away.

"Take note everyone. Hannah Montana, America's Sweetheart, is here. Hannah, why don't you tell us why."

"No." I said. She raised her eyebrows,

"Excuse me?"

"I said no."

Before I knew it, she had slapped me across the face. I didn't do anything. I didn't blink, I didn't flinch.

I didn't care.

"Let this all be a lesson! If you fail to follow directions, serious actions will be made. The rules are as follows, no leaving any lesson unless you are too sick to stand up! If you fake sick, well let's just say you better get someone to pray for you. In fact, all of you should be praying right now because once your in my hands, only God can help you. You may eat what we give you and only that. No talking on the phone except between the hours one A.M. and five A.M. I wouldn't recommend it though because you will be getting up at six every morning. You can use PDA's and laptops from the hours of six P.M. To six A.M. Again, that is your valuable time. No leaving your dorm after twelve A.M. and no men in womens room or the other way around! Let's use something for example..."

He eyes scanned the crowd and landed on me with a smile. She grabbed my arm and jerked me in front of everyone. I gazed at my feet.

"Hannah, you all know Hannah right?"

There was a chorus of yes.

"You all agree Hannah is a gorgeous girl right?"

More yes's.

"Well Hannah is here because of a guy."

"Did she get knocked up too?!" Vanessa Hudgens exclaimed. We all looked at her.

"No." The woman said.

"She's not a dirty whore!" Ashlee Simpson muttered.

"Excuse me!?"

"SHUT UP!" The woman roared again.

"No, Hannah did not get knocked up. You see, Hannah is a weak, weak girl. It's because she was raised a star. She never learned how to buck up and take life. So when her boyfriend dumped her, she couldn't take it and went insane."

My anger was reaching a critical level. How dare she talk of me that way. But it was partly true.

"Isn't that right?" She whispered, in my face.

"Yes." I whispered softly.

"What was that, they can't hear you!" She yelled in my ear. I flinched.

"Yes." I said a little louder. Everyone started talking at once.

"So let's get back to my example...let's say Hannah decides to go visit..." her eyes search the crowd and she grabs someone out of it,

"This guy. If I were to find them "visiting" I would take away all their stuff and make them stay three days in the punishment room. Trust me, if you thought the chokey in Matilda was bad...you haven't seen this room."

"It's true," Paris quipped up, "I've been in there, like, thirty, like, times!!"

"Paris! SHUT UP! No one cares!" Mary-Kate Olsen shouted.

"Why are you here, Jake?" A voice called.

I froze.

I couldn't breathe.

Pain was piercing my body.

I was afraid to look.

I couldn't look.

"Jake? Why he is here because his Mother says he's quite the pimp these days! She said ever since he ended a relationship, he's been going around and having flings to try and find another girl to fill the spot. You see, both Jake and Hannah have something in common. They both entered a dumb ass relationship that was a total disaster. And they are both to weak to get over it. They are just handling their pain in different ways, Hannah here,"

She grabbed my arm painfully. I had my eyes squeezed shut. I was hoping this was a dream. A horrible dream.

"basically went mute! The dear didn't do anything for two years! You know what that spells to me? L-O-S-E-R. Jake,"

I felt hot, sharp needles prick me all over.

"decided to try to find comfort in different girls. Both made a mistake. Both will learn from the mistake. Both are losers."

"That's rude." I heard a voice call through the crowd. I didn't dare open my eyes.

"Excuse me?!"

"You are a witch, leave Hannah and Jake alone." The voice, I now recognized as Ashley, said.

"Your the one to talk!"

"Actually, I'm here because I want to relax. I'm not part of this. I just came up to see if you were still pushing around the newcomers." She replied.

"Than stay out of it!"

I was feeling lightheaded.

I wasn't breathing.

I had stopped breathing a few minutes ago.

I was swaying.

I was going to faint.

I tried to breathe.

"Hannah?" I heard a voice call timidly. I knew that voice all too well.

My heart collapsed. I couldn't feel, breathe, think, I was dead.

I can't do this.

Knives were riping at my body, tearing and mutating it. My chest was on fire, I could feel the flames! Someone help me! Blood was dripping from my heart. I had to get away from him.

I found myself backing away from him with my eyes still squeezed shut.

His hand grabbed my hand to stop me.

My hand was burning. Flames were engulfing it and licking at my skin, burning it like paper. I watched in fright as my skin burned off my fingers. The flames burned at the raw muscles in my fingers, making me scream. It hurt so bad. Soon, it had burned to the bone. I was still screaming.

"Some one shut her up!" I heard that women scream. I couldn't hear her. Someone was screaming loudly.

It was me.

I couldn't stop.

My heart isn't beating.

Blood isn't running through my body.

I am blind.

I am deaf.

I am mute.

Pain is shooting through me, and it hurts so bad that I can't breathe. I feel as if flames are licking at my whole body now. My legs are giving in. I feel nauseous.

"Hannah!" He exclaims as he grabs my shoulders.

I feel faint. Why is he doing this to me!?

I feel the vile rising in my throat. Before I can jerk away, I throw up.

All over Leslie Jake Ryan.

**A/n: you all know he was gonna be there! lol...hm...but what you don't know is what happens and why Miley is mad at him in the future...and I do!! Mwhahaha! Sorry, Rico moment there. Anyways, Sorry it's so depressing...but It'll eventually get better. I promise. Again, I mean no disrespect to any actresses mentioned in this chapter. So...review if you liked it!  
**


	6. Burning

**A/n: woulda updated sooner, but my internet was down all day because of a storm. On the bright side, I have a LONG next chapter almost done!! Hehe! **

I could hear voices.

They were talking quietly.

"What happened to her?!"

"I don't know, she just threw up all over Jake Ryan..."

I let out a shuddering gasp. They all fell quiet.

"Hannah, dear?"

I panicked. Was my wig still in contact?! Do they know my secret?!

I reached up to feel the soft wig still in place. How?

I opened my eyes slowly. Faces appeared above me. I noticed an elderly woman in a nurse uniform taking my temperature.

How had my wig stayed on if I passed out?

"What happened?" I asked. My tongue felt like lead.

"You swayed and then threw up all over Jake,"

I let out a cry,

"and then passed out."

They all thought I cried out in embarrassment.

"Don't worry," Paris laughed, "You actually fell very gracefully. Then he picked you up and wouldn't let anyone see you and carried you to the nurse's office."

It was him. He had fixed my wig.

How dare he carry me. How dare he touch me. How dare he talk to me.

"Is she awake?" I heard that familiar voice asked. My heart started beating faster.

Everyone knew because the heart monitor beside me beeping frantically.

"Are you okay, dear?! My gosh! Your heart rate is increasing like your going to have a heart attack!"

I squeezed my eyes shut. This can not be happening to me. Why is this happening?! I can't take it!

"Maybe she's going to pass out again," He offered as he leaned over and placed his hand on my forehead (making the heart monitor beep at alarming rates), "She has a bit of a fever!"

The contact hurt me. I can't handle it. How dare he do this. HOW CAN HE DO THIS!?

I let out a blood curdling scream. I knocked his hand off me. I had to get out of here. I ripped the sensors off my chest and made a move to get up and run.

He grabbed my arm.

It was burning.

"Let go of her for God's sake!" The nurse exclaimed. He let go of me. I stopped screaming.

I kept my eyes shut and backed away from him, running into a table. I couldn't look at his face.

"What did you do her?!" Hilary Duff exclaimed as she put her arms around me protectively like a big sister would.

"I..." he started but didn't know what to say. He couldn't say we were dating without giving away my identity.

I didn't know what to do. The pain was unbearable.

So I did something I hadn't done it two years.

I allowed myself to cry. Hilary let me cry into her shoulder and I could feel her shooting glares in his direction.

Sobs shook my body and tears leaked through Hilary's shirt. It occurred to me that I was sobbing on my role model's shoulder. Two years of pent up sadness leaked out of my eyes. A few minutes later, I had calmed down. I looked up expecting him to be gone.

He wasn't.

He was staring at me with wide eyes. I turned away from him quickly.

His hair was a little longer, and his eyes even more green than before. He had gotten taller and his facial features more detailed and mature.

I had to do it tonight.

I can't stay here with him and then have to leave him again.

I can't do it. I'll die.

"Are you okay now, Hannah?" Hilary asked kindly. I nodded and thanked her.

"Are you ready to go back to your room, dear?" The nurse asked. I nodded.

"I'll take her!" Ashley, Hilary, Paris, and Lindsay all volunteered at the same time. When had I become the little sister?

"Okay, you can all take her."

Ashley and Hilary helped me stand up and Lindsay and Paris made senseless chatter to keep my mind off things. I was thankful for it. They helped me down the stairs to my room.

Once in the room, we all sat on my bed.

"So, Hannah, how's Jackson been?" Hilary asked as she ate some of the chocolate Paris had snuck in her purse.

It occurred to me that I hadn't ever seen Hilary, Paris, and Lindsay get along together. I liked it when they didn't fight.

"Fine," I said, feeling better after I cried, "He's going off to college soon."

"That's nice, did you two ever think of going out again?" Lindsay asked as she dug through her purse for something. I almost choked on my chocolate.

"No! He's more of a brother..."

"Oh," Paris nodded, "but Jake Ryan, he's gotten hotter."

I flinched. Ashley sent Paris a look. Hilary was about to say something when someone knocked on the door. Ashley jumped up and cheerfully answered the door.

"Go away. No. She doesn't want to see you. I'm not going to ask her! I saw how she acted in the nurse's office! Fine! Geez!"

Ashley turned around and said in a bored voice,

"Hannah, Jake wants to know if you'll talk to him."

TALK TO HIM?

What just so he can leave me again?!

And hurt me again!

No!

"No!" I exclaimed, a little too soon.

"What did he do?" Lindsay asked quietly.

I looked down at my nails, "I'm not ready to talk about it."

"We won't tell anyone, just between us girls!" Paris exclaimed.

"He didn't...hit or..." Hilary trailed off. My eyes widened in realization. They thought he had raped me or something!

"NO!" I exclaimed.

"Then what did he do?!" Paris exclaimed.

"Listen guys, I really don't want to talk about it." I muttered.

"Okay, I guess we'll see you at dinner tonight?" They asked as the climbed off my bed and made their way to the door.

"Uh, maybe. I might just rest for a while instead of eating."

I lied again.

I wasn't going to rest. I was going to end all of this.

"You'll have to rest after dinner," Paris said, "You have to go eat of they put you in that..room."

She shuddered.

Shit.

Oh well. After dinner then.

"What kind of dinner is it?" I questioned.

"Formal." They replied before saying goodbye and leaving.

I sighed.

"DINNER STARTS IN THIRTY MINUTES, START GETTING READY! FAILURE TO FOLLOW DRESS CODE WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT!!"

What was this place? A prison? I walked over to my bag that held a few dresses and pulled them out. They weren't wrinkled, thanks to Lilly.

I slipped on a cute bright pink halter dress and some silver flats. I double checked the door was locked before opening the suitcase with my wigs. I put on one that had the blond hair styled into a cute up do. I put on a few silver bangles and applied my makeup again before sitting down. It was about to be five.

I was really going to do this.

I walked over to the desk and opened the drawers. Some paper and a pen laid in there. I thought before picking them up and writing a letter. I addressed the letter to my Dad, Jackson, Lilly and Oliver. I explained everything to them.

By the time it was time for dinner, I was finished. I sealed the letter and set it down on the desk. I straightened my wig before walking out of my room for the last time.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

When I walked in the dinning hall, I realized maybe I had dressed wrong. Everyone else were wearing long sleeved dresses that reached to their ankles. The dresses were either black, brown, or tan.

God, what was this place?!

I was wearing a neon pink halter that reached about a few inches above my knee. I thought about turning around, but the mad look the woman got on her face made me smirk.

I wasn't going to have to deal with her any more, so why no have some fun?

I walked over to her, swinging my hips a little more than needed.

"Miss, I was just wondering, am I dressed wrong?" I said it in an innocent voice that clearly meant I knew I was dressed wrong. She grabbed my elbow in what she thought was a painful grip. Compared to what I've had to endure, it was nothing.

"Hannah! You are purposely sabotaging this program!" She howled.

"I am? I'm sorry, I didn't know a little pink dress was such a big threat to you and your...program!"

Snickers rang through the hall. She growled.

"Sit down. I'll deal with you later."

My eyes scanned the dinning hall. The only available seat was beside him. I couldn't sit that close to him. I couldn't.

"Miss, if it's alright with you, I'll be skipping this meal." I muttered. Her eyes flamed,

"IT IS NOT OKAY WITH ME! YOU WILL GO SIT DOWN IN YOUR ASSIGNED SEAT BY MR. RYAN!! NO SPECIAL TREATMENT!!"

What do I do? I could try and run out but the big body guards standing at the door will just get me.

"May I please switch seats with Hannah?" Paris said, trying to act like she wanted to save me. Everyone knew she just wanted my seat because it was in-between him and Orlando Bloom. Don't even ask me what he was doing here, I have no idea.

"NO! HANNAH WILL SIT WHERE SHE IS TOLD LIKE A YOUNG LADY!"

I sighed. I felt as if my heart was getting ripped apart as I walked around the table. I closed my eyes and sat down in the seat beside Jake. I scooted the chair as far away from him as possible and closer to Orlando.

Orlando didn't seem to mind.

In front of us was a bowl of what I surely thought was murky water with chunks of soap floating in it. I thought we used it to wash our hands. But...everyone else was eating it. I scrunched up my nose,

"What is this?" I asked her.

Everyone laughed again and she glared,

"This is your meal, potato soup! You will eat it and you will like it! We will talk about your attitude over breakfast tomorrow, Hannah."

"Why do I suddenly feel like I've been sent to a concentration camp?" I asked Orlando. He snorted into his "soup".

"Hannah?" Jake whispered quietly from beside me. I froze.

"NO TALKING!" She howled.

"Geez, PMS much?" I heard Lindsay mutter.

Dinner went by slowly. Every few minutes Jake would try and get me to talk to him.

I hated him more and more each time he did.

He didn't understand how every time he said something I felt like I was getting burned.

I hated him.

I hated the way he would flinch every time that witch made a comment about me (which was often).

I hated the way he would clenched his fists to keep from reaching out to me.

I hated the way he would pretend to put soup in his mouth, then spit it back out when the witch wasn't looking.

I hated the way he sounded so sad when I wouldn't talk to him.

I hated the way he would stare at me.

But more than anything, I hated that I loved him.

**A/n: Miley gets a little more...alive in the next chapter. Can't say happy..because its not happiness. lol anyways, please review if you liked it! I love all the reviews I get, they rock!! Oh yea! On July 6th (my sis's birthday lol) I have officially been on for a year!! Woo! lol wow, a lot has happened in the last year I've been here...I remember when I wrote my first story there was only a little below one hundred stories written for Hannah Montana. Now theres over 2,000!!!  
**


	7. Airplanes

**A/n: Longer chapter...hehe. If you guys don't like this one, I'll delete it and start over. I felt it was rushed. Anyways, a very Titanic like scene is in the middle of this chapter...but its not the scene you think...lol. Soooo I hope you like this chapter because it's basically the introduction to the plot. Enjoy : )**

When dinner was over, the witch made me stay behind.

"Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. We are going to have a problem these next few months, aren't we?"

I shook my head.

"I'm giving you one more chance. After you use that up, I will be forced to drastic measures."

I nodded.

She sneered, "Get out of here."

I nodded and walked out. The very same person I didn't want to see was waiting for me.

It didn't hurt as much as before. Maybe I was immune to him now.

"Mil- Hannah! Please talk to me!" He begged. I just ignored him and walked away from him.

It broke my heart.

I told myself it was for the better.

If I allowed myself to even be his friend, I would just get hurt again.

"Fine! Just ignore me then!" He screamed.

I will.

I walked off and down the stairs to my room. I hid in there for a few hours until I was sure everyone was asleep. I slipped on a jacket. It would weigh me down better in the water.

I slipped out of my room and quietly tiptoed up the stairs to the left side of the boat. I sat down in one of the chairs. I stared out at the calm water and starry sky.

I let out a shaky breath. I wasn't scared, I was excited.

"It's easy to feel like, your all alone...to feel like nobody knows," I sang quietly, knowing it would be the last time I would sing, "the great that you are, the good that's inside you, is trying so hard to break through. Maybe it's your time to lift off and fly...you won't know if you never try. I will be there with you all of the way, you'll be fine..."

I stopped and looked at my hands. It was the right time, I could feel it. I was at peace with the world and the world was at peace with me.

I stood up and climbed onto the railing. I pulled myself over it and held on by my arms. I stared down at the dark, quiet water below me.

It was the right time.

Just as I slipped one hand off the railing, a voice cried out in panic.

"What the hell do you think your doing?!"

I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew the voice. I didn't turn around.

"What I should have done a long time ago."

"Are you on some sort of new drug?! One that makes you INSANE!?" He exclaimed as he came over and grabbed my arms. I turned around and looked him in the eyes. A painful chill ran down my spine. I was going to die, I could do this.

I stared in his eyes a few moments before reaching out and gently touching his cheek. He grabbed my hand and said,

"Come on, go back to your room."

I closed my eyes briefly.

"No. Just leave me alone."

"NO! I'm not going to let you kill yourself!" He thundered.

"Don't do this to me," I begged with tears sparkling in my eyes, "don't do anymore to me! Just let me be for once...please."

He looked confused, "I never--

I cut him off.

"No, Jake. You can't change my mind."

"NO! You don't want to do this!!" He searched for something to say, "I swam in this water once! It's freezing cold, it feels like a thousand knives stabbing into you!"

I rolled my eyes, "Jake, you got that from _Titanic_."

"And it worked in the movie! Come on, Miley, don't do this!"

My answer was a deep breath. I looked at him one last time.

And I let go of the railing.

I went falling down I heard him scream. I hit the water so hard it burned my skin. I went down, down, down in the freezing water. It did feel like a thousand knives stabbing me. It was COLD.

My lungs were beginning to want oxygen. They were telling me to swim up.

No.

I kept sinking down. I opened my eyes. I saw a blurry atmosphere. The salt water burned my eyes. My lungs were burning for oxygen. It hurt.

I held it longer. Pins and needles were stabbing my body all over. I finally didn't have any choice but to open my mouth and inhale. Of course, it was water. I couldn't move my legs or arms. I was falling...

It was finally going to be over.

When I was beginning to loose all consciousness, I felt a tug on my arm.

NO! Someone was pulling me up! I tried to fight away, but I couldn't.

The person pulled me above the water and pushed me on something.

I didn't have oxygen for too long.

Everything went black. I prayed I wouldn't wake up.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

When I gained consciousness that morning, I started crying even before I opened my eyes. My wet dress was clinging to me and my jacket was no longer on me.

I cautiously opened my eyes. The sun was shinning down on me. Water was all around me. But I wasn't on the cruise. I was lying on a bright orange inflatable boat. I cursed underneath my breath through my tears.

"You awake?" I heard a voice ask in surprise. Anger rose in my. Across from me, sitting on the boat, was Jake Ryan. Shirtless. Smiling.

I snarled. This was his fault. He saved me. "You..." I ended my sentence with some very colorful words. He just smiled and said,

"Well, seeing as though we are stuck in the middle of the ocean, you might want to tell me why you were about to kill yourself."

END FLASHBACK.

That is why I am currently sitting in a orange boat, glaring at Jake Ryan. He just had to save me and push me into this stupid boat.

I was still crying and he was trying to comfort me, which was hard seeing as though I was trying to decide whether or not to shove him off the boat.

"Why are you crying!"

"Why did you do this to me!? Why couldn't you just let me sink?! Damn Jake! I've tried to get over you for two years! And now your just going to go make me stranded with you! And as soon as I get used to you, you are going to leave me again! I can't handle that! How did you even get this boat anyway?!"

"You jumped off, I grabbed the emergency instant inflatable boat and jumped in after you. I pulled you up and had to swim a few feet to get to the boat that had drifted off but I found it. The cruise was gone by then. I was going to paddle us back to it...but no paddle and everyone was asleep. Of course, all that was after I saved your life by performing mouth to mouth resuscitation."

I scowled. I wouldn't have been so mad about his lips on mine if it hadn't involved the resuscitation part.

I felt my sad emotion dripping away. I knew that now I had nothing to look forward to. I couldn't jump off now, he would jump in after me. Anger flared in my body. That--

"Well, I think we have a bigger problem now." He stated.

"And that is...?"

He looked at me like I was insane.

"We are stranded in the middle of the ocean with no food or water!"

Shit.

"This is all your fault!" I screamed at him.

"My fault?! Well excuse me for saving your life!!"

"Your not excused!" I screamed hysterically. I felt the top of my head even though I knew there was no way the wig was still there. I was panicking,

"Jake! What do I do when they find us! They are going to know Hannah isn't really Hannah! My wig is gone!"

"We are going to die out here and your worried about your stupid second identity?!"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am! You see now we will BOTH die if you would have just left me alone you wouldn't of had to die too!"

"I couldn't just watch you kill yourself!!"

"Well your going to watch me die painfully from starvation anyway!" I exclaimed.

"Well, do you have a phone?"

"Oh yea, hold on, let me reach into my soaking wet pocket-- NO I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE!!"

Even though it was anger, just being around him made me feel more alive. It was like the zombie in me was dying.

Well, he _is _a zombie slayer..

His eyes suddenly widened and grabbed my shoulders, "What do we do for food?!"

"I don't know, we could eat your BIG HEAD, it'll last us a year!"

"Me? No, if anyone gets eaten it'll be you!" He exclaimed.

"Nuh uh, I don't think so! You would eat me after you risked your life by jumping off the boat?!"

"Well you want to die..."

"I don't want you to eat me!" I exclaimed, "Besides, this is YOUR FAULT so it's only fair you are the one to get eaten."

"Well I'll drown you, THEN eat you! Is that good enough for you Miss Montana?!"

"Oh my God, what are we saying! No one is going to get eaten!" He screamed.

"Uhh...maybe both of us will..." I trailed off pointing at the seagulls or buzzards or something like that circling the boat.

"Oh, great," He moaned, "now big, black psychic birds are following us!!"

"Psychic?"

"They can see our dead bodies and they are here early to get first grabs! I don't want to get pecked to death!!"

"Jake, chill out!" I screamed.

"Chill out? Easy for you, your suicidal! I don't want to die, I've got a great life! It's just starting! I'm gorgeous, everyone loves me--

"Except me," I muttered.

"--and I have a great career! I'm not ready to die!"

"No one is going anywhere, Leslie!" I exclaimed with a smirk.

"How can you be so damn calm! We are STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!!!"

"I'm suicidal, remember?"

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "You don't seem as 'AH I'M INSANE' as before...you aren't screaming hysterically or anything...what happened to you?"

I decided to have fun with this. I let a slow, creepy smile come over my face, "I'm trying to decide the best way to shove you off the boat and season you with the salt water."

He flinched back, "You're insane!"

"Chill, Jake, I'm not going to eat you. I never would, ew."

He let out the breath he had been holding and slumped back against the boat.

"Then why do you seem...less...well...why do you look like your not taking drugs?"

"Ah, stop with the flattery!" My voice dripped with sarcasm. I shifted into a more comfortable sitting position and replied with, "And...it's because...well, you make me feel more alive than normal."

"Well I am," He flashed a grin, "Jake Ryan! I mean, I've been famous since I was the face of--

"Please, don't say it. Or I WILL eat you, but not out of hunger. Out of annoyance."

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop the waves of relief when I looked at his face and I didn't burn. But I couldn't help but feel like I was killing myself. I had built the walls. I spent two years building them. And now...I was letting them fall. I knew once we were rescued, he would leave again and I would die inside again.

Was it so bad that I felt partially grateful that we were stranded?

Was it bad that I wanted to let all my walls fall?

If we were going to die out here, is it wrong to want to die at least a little happy?

"What are you thinking?" He asked me. I looked up at him oddly,

"That's a strange question."

"So? You never answered it."

"I'm trying to decide if I'm happy or not that we are stranded out here." I replied truthfully.

He looked at me like I had just sprouted three heads. I knew I shouldn't have said that, but he was easy to talk too.

"Uhh...why?!"

"Because part of me doesn't want to starve to death...but the other..." I trailed off and looked away from him.

"The other?"

I smiled. It felt good. But the muscles felt stiff still, "Thinks this is a perfect opportunity to get to know each other!"

That was a lie. Oh well.

"Oh yea," He said sarcastically, "While we are both delirious from dehydration is the _perfect _time to catch up on old times!"

I rolled my eyes and slumped back down on the boat. I felt uncomfortable in my dress. Even though it was starting to dry, I could sit or lie in the position I wanted because I didn't want to flash Jake or anything. And my strapless bra was heavy with water and getting hard to keep up. If it was just me on this boat, I would have taken it off to let it dry. But nooo...I'm here with Jake Ryan. Ugh. Not to mention, I hated dresses and skirts. Now, I was probably going to die in a damn neon pink halter dress! And get pecked to death by birds!

"I wish I had changed before_ trying_," I flashed a dirty look in Jake's direction,"to commit suicide." Jake scowled,

"You are the most annoying optimist I've ever meet. We're going to die in the middle of the ocean and your upset because of a dress."

"Sorry. What do you expect me to do?"

"Join the pessimist side-- we've got cookies!!"

"Shut up."

1, 2, 3...queuing the awkward silence! Ah, right on time!!

See, the thing about awkward silences is people tend to blurt out things...things they wouldn't normally blurt out.

"If you weren't here, I would have stripped out of this by now. Have _you_ worn a semi-soaking wet strapless bra?" I blurted out.

Wow. Queuing embarrassment...and here comes the blush.

"We haven't even been stranded together for more than eighteen hours and we're already exchanging underwear information. Wow." He muttered.

"Well you were the one saying you were going to be a cannablist!"

"Is that even a word?"

"Shut up."

I knew at that moment I had made a big mistake. Giving your heart to Jake Ryan is like sticking a fork into it. I gave it too him not once, but _twice. _And now...and now I was liable to give it too him a third time.

Our "love" was an airplane and the first two flights went crashing down into flames.

But...isn't the third time the charm.

I slapped myself across the face. I hated myself. What am I doing?! I worked so hard at keeping these walls up...to keep myself okay. I thought it the key to not hurting is not feeling. But maybe..._maybe_ the key is trusting the right person. Now, Jake has come into the picture and threated everything I've worked to build. I enclosed that airplane in a steel box and kept it there for two years. Now here he comes with a wrecking ball and smashes the walls down like he's the Queen of Sheba...er, King. It's not fair...It's not right. He is horrible to do that, I hate him. But...at the same time, I know its my fault. If maybe I had secured those walls with cement he would have given up before the walls were torn down. Now, there is no going back. I'm in the water, and there's no getting out. I can either sink or swim from here.

And the zombie slayer has made it pretty clear no one is sinking around here.

A/n: Haha, props to Billy Ray...I stole his quote about his daughter. Hehe...your amazing Billy ((haha, like he's actually reading this)) Anyways, I didn't like this chapter. Please be completely honest in your reviews, was it too rushed? I mean the whole depression thing? If so, I can delete this and write the whole thing over again. I really would prefer not too, but if you guys want me to I will. Please review with your honest opinions!!


	8. We Got The Hamburger's With Us

**A/n: sorry it took so long. Update on Forgetting You is coming soon. This chapters a little cheesy...sorry about that. Anyways, thanks for the wonderful review!! **

If I thought day time was bad.

It was nothing compared to the night.

Even though it was supposedly summer, it was freezing when the sun fell. Luckily, all my clothes had dried out by then. And my jacket, which apparently had stayed on me but was not on me when I woke up, was dry. So I felt a little warm.

But the freezing air coming off the water and the freezing wind gusts were horrible. Not to mention the cold, dry air made us even more thirsty.

"I-I saw this show once," Jake said as his teeth started chattering, "on _Storm Stories_. These two guys were stuck in the middle of the ocean and they drank their own urine."

My stomach heaved at the thought.

"There is no way I would ever drink my bodily fluids!!" I exclaimed.

"If you were dying..."

"Nuh uh, it comes out for a reason. If it was supposed to be in us, it would stay." I said stubbornly.

It was terrifying in the dark.

We had no light. At all. The only thing that provided light was the moon and stars. All around us was silent, dark water. It was eerie. Especially when a fish would jump above water and make a splash, it scared the living crap out of me.

"Jake," I whispered in the dark. All the former anger had disappeared as soon as the sun went down. All we had was each other to brave this freezing darkness. It was no time to fight.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice also a whisper. I didn't know what about darkness that made us talk quietly. No one was around to hear us, so why whisper? I guess it has something to do with our fear.

"I'm scared." I whispered in a small voice. I realized just how much I sounded like a little girl at that moment.

"Me too." He said truthfully. I felt the boat move as he cautiously scooted over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. My skin tingled at the contact but I tried to ignore it. I needed a hug right now. I gently wrapped my arms around him. We hadn't hugged in two years.

And what a dreadful two years it was.

I felt better when we were touching. At least I knew someone was there with me, and I wasn't alone in this darkness by myself.

What's even worse than darkness...? Darkness and silence.

I had to break it somehow. So I said the first thing that came to my mind,

"Did you fix my wig when I passed out?"

"Yea."

"Thanks." I whispered.

Silence came over us again.

"It was many and many a year ago in this kingdom by the sea, that a maiden there lived whom you may know by the name of Annabel Lee--"

"And this maiden she lived with no other thought than to love, and be loved by me." Jake said. I looked up at him,

"Since when do you know poetry?"

"It was part of my "try and be normal" thing." He shrugged it off.

"I was a child, and she was child in this kingdom by the sea--"

"But we loved with a love that was more than love-- I and my Annabel Lee."

I sighed. This was my favorite poem. Poems and music-- my weaknesses.

"With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven coveted her and me."

"And this was the reason that, long ago, in this kingdom by the sea--

"A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling and killing my beautiful Annabel Lee." I whispered so quietly that I wasn't sure he had heard it. At that point, a cold gust of wind blew through. Creepy. Jake tightened his arms around me, as if to shake off every bad thing.

We both fell silent again.

"For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee," Jake sighed in a way that suggested he was finished reciting the poem. He skipped half of it.

"What are we going to do?" I muttered as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I don't know." He whispered, fear evident in his voice.

"We could just hope a boat passes us."

"Before we die of hunger and dehydration."

It was even worse seeing as though we didn't eat our last meal (potato soup).

That fat witch.

"Surely...they will find us...I mean, your Hannah Montana!"

I closed my eyes, "I wrote a letter and left it in my room. It explains that I jumped off the cruise ship. They'll be searching under the water for my body. But you, they'll come looking for you."

"True. How long do you think it's gonna be before they find us?"

"I don't know. I really don't know." I whispered. I didn't want to be scared, it seemed pointless to me to be scared. I had wanted to die, right? That was before I was with Jake. I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel and follow my heart instead of my head. If I was smart, I would jump off this boat and kill myself before I got too used to Jake. But my head was no longer in control, and my heart wanted nothing but to stay here with him forever in his arms.

But that would never happen. We were both going to die out here slowly or we would get rescued and Jake would leave me.

Even though being with Jake has made me fear of dying out here, dying with him wouldn't be so bad. Maybe...maybe if I just stay here with him we can go to sleep and slip into another place where it's just us. Nothing to make Jake not love me or want someone else. Just a place where it's him and me. Together forever.

Hmph, yea right. Too bad though.

"Did you find a girl "as terrific as me"?" I asked, using my fingers as quotation marks around his former words. He sighed,

"No, but I obviously looked. That's why I'm here in the first place."

"No, you are here because you wouldn't let me jump off the ship." I corrected.

It fell silent.

"I'm scared." Jake said, sounding like a little boy himself.

"I know," I muttered. If he was scared, I knew it wouldn't be a good idea for us both to panic. He's already been proven to be quite the panickier...so I'll just have to act brave for him.

"Things'll work out," I said quietly, "we'll make it through this."

I didn't believe it.

We stayed cuddled up most the night, but spoke basically nothing. Personally, that was okay with me. His steady heartbeat was all I needed to feel calm and collected. The sunrise was gorgeous in the morning, but brought with it what I knew was going to be a pattern.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"I'm unusual, not so typical, way to smart to be waiting around--" I sang as I fanned myself with my hand. It was around noon it seemed by the intense heat of the sun. I longed to jump into the water and cool off.

" tai chi practices, snowboard champion--"

"Hey, tai chi practicer," Jake snapped in annoyance, "why don't you meditate us back to the ship?"

I smirked, "I would, but your STUPID vibes are in the way." No use explaining to him that tai chi wasn't a meditating thing, but a type of Chinese karate.

"Well sor-ry, Miss Montana!" He exclaimed holding up his hands. As soon as it had gotten light, the fighting had begun again. I think we both secretly liked it.

"Your the zombie slayer, why don't you get all your freaky little zombie friends to save us?" I said.

"Because they will deteriorate in the water." Jake said seriously.

"I was kidding."

"Whatever."

I sighed and continued my singing of Hannah's second CD, "Turn this park into a club--

"TURN THIS BOAT INTO A MCDONALDS, THE HAMBURGERS ARE SO YUUUMMYY, ICE COLD COKES ALRIGHT SO GOOD, LET'S ALL GET ONE AND DRINK AWAY..!" Jake sang extremely off key.

"Sweet Niblets," I muttered.

"Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it, again and again--

"Jesus, sweet Lord in Heaven," Jake screamed, looking up at the sky, "make her shut up!!"

"--till I get it right! Nobody's perfect, you live and you learn it--"

"Please, please, please, please, please stop!!"

"Sometimes I work a scheme, but then it flips on me--"

"If you don't shush your mouth, I'm gonna flip _you_ out of this boat!" Jake threatened. I guess I felt kind of bad for him, he's heard these songs about a thousand time today.

I shrugged, "Fine by me, I'm hot anyways."

He glared and I went back to singing, "Who said, who said I can't be superman--"

"_I _did now be quiet! I'm trying to relax!"

"You can't relax, we are going to die out here. So shush up and let me spend my last few hours living doing what I do best!"

"What, looking at my gorgeous face?" Jake asked. I looked at him and replied dryly with,

"Ya know that "normal" thing you tried?"

He nodded.

"It didn't work out too well, egoistical prick."

"You know that "emo thing" you tried? Yea, it didn't work out so well either."

I blinked.

He growled and said, "Okay, well, maybe it did but the happy...thing you tried to do didn't work because you...ugh leave me alone woman!"

"I always win." I said smugly.

"Be a lawyer." He spat.

"Maybe I will!"

"Fine!"

"I can be your lawyer when my Daddy sues you for abandoning me in the middle of the ocean!" I exclaimed.

"Okay there are two things wrong with that," Jake smirked, "One, I highly doubt he'll sue be for saving your life, two, why would you be against your father who was suing for you? I mean if you were my lawyer you would--"

"Oh put a cork in it!"


	9. AN: Until a later time

**Author's Note: **

**This story is on permanent hiatus as of today (2/11/08). The reasons why and more information on that can be found in my profile. **

**Ciao! **


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